Prompt: A stranger sits down next to you at the bar and, thinking you’re his buddy, begins to tell you “the truth”
I was sitting in the bar the other day, waiting for some friends, when this guy sits down next to me. He seemed sort of douchey, you know the type: faux, gelled-up mohawk, green polo shirt. I’m not talking forest green here, but that frat-boy, kelley green. He was also clearly pretty drunk and just stared down at his half-empty drink. There were a few other open seats so I wasn’t sure why he sat right next to me, but I prepared myself to ignore him. Then he started talking.
“OK, man, listen, I’ve gotta tell you the truth.” He raised his hand. “Just wait, don’t say anything, let me finish, ok?”
I couldn’t imagine what he had to say to me, but he seemed so earnest. Plus I was a little curious at this point. So I let him talk.
“You know at the She and Him concert last week?” I had been there, but I had no idea how he knew that. Then again, a lot of people went, so maybe he just assumed? I said nothing and kept listening.
“So I had a lot to drink during the opening acts and I was getting pretty drunk. When they started playing I realized I really had to pee, so I went to the can. Only there was a really long line. I’m talking, it was longer than the line for the chick’s bathroom. I mean, come on, that’s just not right, you know? And I’m thinking, I’m a dude, what am I going to wait in line to pee for? I’ll just go find a tree. And to be honest, I’m pretty drunk at this point and I don’t think I could’ve waited anyway. So I go out to the lawn and I’m looking for a tree. But the thing is, all the trees have tons of people around them. There was just no good place for a guy to take a leak. I kept walking and somehow I ended up sort of backstage. I don’t know where the guards were. Hell, they were probably waiting in that damn line. So I’m sort of wandering around back there thinking, hey, this is cool. But then I realized that if someone found me I’d probably get kicked out, so I decided to get out of there. But by this point I really had to go, and I knew I wasn’t going to find a tree if I went back out to the lawn. No one was around so I figured, hey, I’ll just pee right here. So I did. Only, I guess I peed on some kind of electrical something, because all the lights and sound went out.”
“Wait, you caused that blackout?”
“Yeah, man, that’s what I’m saying. I got the hell out of there and came back and just acted normal. I figured they’d have a backup or something so I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. But I guess I peed on something pretty important.”
“Yeah, I guess you did.” I was supremely annoyed with this guy by now.
“Come on man, don’t be a jerk about it. I mean, it’s really pretty funny when you think about it, you know?”
“I guess. But my wife was really looking forward to that concert and she was pretty disappointed we only got to see them play like ten minutes.”
He finally raised his head a little. “Wait…. What?”
“You really pissed off my wife buddy, so thanks for that.” I tried to get on his wavelength this time.
“Wait…” He leaned back in his chair and studied my face, his drunk eyes struggling to focus. “You’re… you’re not Rick.”
“No buddy, no I’m not.” I let him flounder for a minute then grabbed my drink and walked away. Seriously, what a douche.